Adoption is forever. It is a choice that a family makes intentionally, and can never be an accident. Adoption can be a first choice when starting a family, it doesn't have to be seen as a second choice or a last resort. It doesn't have to be seen as something that people do when they can't get pregnant. It can and should be seen as simply a way of building a family. Building a family through love and acceptance, patience and growth. Adoption is a miracle in and of itself, and speaks volumes about the deep love that parents, both birth and adoptive, feel for their children. Adoption does not come with a guarantee of any kind. There is a feeling among some that it is a "satisfaction guaranteed" type of process, as if you get to hand pick a child that is somehow better than the others or somehow more perfect. There is apparently a feeling among some that adoptive parents have the right to return a child who they feel is not perfect or better than the others. As if they can return a pet that they bought and no longer play with, in an attempt to find another that is more suited to their family.
What is more incredible is that no one ever seems to sensationalize the fact that biological children have adjustment issues, behavioral issues, and severe physical issues that present challenges to their biological parents. I get asked frequently, "do you worry she will have, you know, problems because she is adopted??" My answer is and always will be NO. No, I don't worry she will have problems because she is adopted. I worry that she will have problems because she is a human. She is a child. She will be a teenager. She will be an adult one day. These are the reasons I worry she will have problems. Not the sheer fact that she was adopted. Yes, adoption brings a special set of qualities into the relationship between parent and child, but it is not a recipe for problems down the road. My next favorite question is "will you tell her she is adopted??" Even if I considered NOT telling her....is there a chance that she wouldn't notice that she is of a different race? I will always be proud of how Emma came into our lives and she will know from day one in our home that she came to us by the miracle of adoption.
Last but not least, in my emotional rant that has been building in my heart for quite some time. Emma Grace is our child. One more time....with emphasis. Emma Grace is OUR OWN child. I hope that people mean well when they ask...."are you ever going to have children of your own". Please read carefully....there is no way on this earth that either my husband or I could have fought any harder or struggled and invested any more of ourselves into this process. We have given every bit of love and strength and patience, cried many tears and fought many battles to bring this baby girl into our lives. If that is not "our own" then it simply doesn't exist.
What is more incredible is that no one ever seems to sensationalize the fact that biological children have adjustment issues, behavioral issues, and severe physical issues that present challenges to their biological parents. I get asked frequently, "do you worry she will have, you know, problems because she is adopted??" My answer is and always will be NO. No, I don't worry she will have problems because she is adopted. I worry that she will have problems because she is a human. She is a child. She will be a teenager. She will be an adult one day. These are the reasons I worry she will have problems. Not the sheer fact that she was adopted. Yes, adoption brings a special set of qualities into the relationship between parent and child, but it is not a recipe for problems down the road. My next favorite question is "will you tell her she is adopted??" Even if I considered NOT telling her....is there a chance that she wouldn't notice that she is of a different race? I will always be proud of how Emma came into our lives and she will know from day one in our home that she came to us by the miracle of adoption.
Last but not least, in my emotional rant that has been building in my heart for quite some time. Emma Grace is our child. One more time....with emphasis. Emma Grace is OUR OWN child. I hope that people mean well when they ask...."are you ever going to have children of your own". Please read carefully....there is no way on this earth that either my husband or I could have fought any harder or struggled and invested any more of ourselves into this process. We have given every bit of love and strength and patience, cried many tears and fought many battles to bring this baby girl into our lives. If that is not "our own" then it simply doesn't exist.
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