Sorry I haven't posted a single thing since we announced our referral!! We have been crazy busy trying to get our acceptance packet in, and making sure we understand the process from here on out. The acceptance packet has been completed, turned in, and sent to Korea!! A second packet of information on our tax returns for the last few years has also been sent and received, and forwarded to Korea. The acceptance packet took a few days to complete, and it took a meeting with our social worker to figure it all out! All of it had to be notarized, and all copies of all documents had to be originals with original signatures. No cross-outs, no white-outs, no mistakes or you start over!! No pressure! I was determined to get them right the first time, and get them right ON time, so I didn't delay our part of the process in getting Emma home! We have also finally decided that we are going to travel to pick her up when it is time, as searching for a volunteer to escort her home may take up to an extra MONTH!!  No way are we waiting an extra month when we could be on a plane to get her!

So what are we waiting on NOW?? Well, the next official step in the chain of steps is to receive Emma's "legals" (her Korean birth certificate) in the mail. Once we receive these, we make copies, and a copy goes with a packet (another one!) of forms and documents to US immigration to apply for Emma's visa to come into the US and live until her citizenship is granted. Legals usually come around one month after your referral, and once immigration receives the packet with the legals, it is about another 30-45 days before her approval is sent to the National Visa Center (NVC), where her visa is issued. This sending of the approval to NVC  is the step known as "NVC In", and when her visa is sent to Korea this is "NVC Out". NVC In and NVC Out are usually a day or so apart from each other. That part happens very quickly. Her visa approval and issuance is sent to Korea, where lots of things have been happening separately from what happens here. In Korea, after legals are sent to the parents, the child is submitted for an Emigration Permit (EP). EP is extremely important and right now extremely controversial. EP is the child's permission to LEAVE Korea. From submission for EP to approval of EP takes about 6-8 weeks right now. Korea only has so many EP's to give out per year, and in 2009 they ran out. So January and February of 2010 were spent catching up on families waiting from last year. They are finally starting to get back in the groove so to speak and are submitting children relatively on time again. For now. I pray that Emma will be submitted for EP soon, and approved soon also. Once a child has EP, she can appear at the US Embassy, have her picture taken for her passport, and prepare for her Visa Interview (VI). I'm honestly not sure what takes place at the VI, but I know that it occurs USUALLY a few days before or after your Travel Call!!! The Travel Call is your call to get on a plane and come get your baby! So, these are the things that have to happen before Emma Grace can come home. It's a lot of things. It scares me that it won't all happen correctly. It scares me that all of it is out of my control. But I know that she WILL come home. Eventually.

In other news relating to Emma Grace, we received a surprise in the mail yesterday!!! We got a copy of her most recent visit to the pediatrician for her Well-Baby Check! She is rolling over, holding her hands together, sucking on her hand, laughing, cooing, and bearing some weight on her legs! She is on track developmentally, and she is a whopping 18.5 pounds at 5 months old!!!! A chunky monkey! Heaven knows how big she will be when we finally get her!! We are still waiting on updated pictures, since we know she has changed a lot since her first picture at 2 weeks of age. I know she is beautiful though. I think I have posted quite enough for tonight!! Prayers for us and for Emma while we wait to meet her in Korea!!!





 
Oh my goodness....we received our call yesterday, 3/15, letting us know that our beautiful daughter is waiting for us in South Korea!!!! What a shocker to find out that our referral is, indeed, a surprise girl!!! Because we did not have children when we applied to adopt a baby from South Korea, we were placed on the list for a child of either gender, and were told that it would most likely be a little boy. Well, God had other plans when He sent us Miss Emma Grace! We got our call around noon, and actually Javier was at home and took the call. I was asleep after having worked a night shift, so he got to wake me up and tell me that we have a daughter! We are absolutely in love with her already, and the next few months are going to be busy getting everything ready for her and getting her paperwork pushed through to get her home. 


She is just under 5 months of age, and was born on October 25, 2009. She is healthy and is living with a foster family until we are able to go get her. Her file describes her as "mild and growing up smoothly" and she appears to be right on track developmentally. We should get additional information and more pictures after our acceptance packet is turned in! We DO have pictures of her, but due to a privacy agreement with our agency, we are not allowed to post them on websites like blogs, facebook, etc. If you want to see her picture just email us and we are able to privately email her photo. She is gorgeous, and I want more than anything just to hold her!!!! We still can't believe it really happened, and that she is really ours! Thank you all so much.....keep the prayers coming as we work through additional paperwork; they estimate 4-5 months before we are able to go get her because of the paperwork timelines. 


IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!!!!!! 
 
As some of you may have noticed, our timeline has been updated! We received our monthly email update this past week from our agency, and there were TWO baby boy referrals in February, moving us up to number FOUR overall and.....ready?.....NUMBER TWO on the wait strip for a baby boy!!!! We know that it could be two days, two weeks, or even two more months before we get our call, but it feels like it is getting so close! I really hope that it is this month...I can't WAIT to see a picture of our little one and start the process (also long and tedious) of getting the paperwork together to bring him (or her-if it is a surprise girl) home. Please pray that we will have patience and strength to carry us through this wait, and pray for the foster family who is currently caring for our little one, that they may feel peace about his or her match with our family. Thank you for the incredible support...and stay tuned!!
 
Since last post, we have rocketed to number 6 overall on the waiting list, and if you consider that 2 of those families ahead of us are waiting expressly for a baby girl, that puts us at number 4 for a child of either gender. Number 4 sounds pretty good to me, considering we started at 13 and was told it would be around 18 months to referral. Now we are thinking referral in the next couple of months, maybe the next few months, if things go right. Yet, somehow, this has made it so much harder. Knowing we are *that* close...knowing that any day, any week now it will be OUR day, OUR week...makes my heart ache for the phone to ring. And if that isn't enough....wait until you hear what happened today!!

It was around 8:30 this morning, I had gotten Javier off to work, talked to my Mom to finalize our plans for the day, and was not expecting any more phone calls as my Mom was on her way to my house. Well for some reason "the call" that brings news of your referral usually comes first thing in the morning OR late in the evening. This is because of how the operating hours of the Korean agency coincide with the hours of the USA agencies. Our placing agency that will call us with "the call" is in Baltimore, Maryland. So, back to the story....around 8:30 the phone rang while I was getting dressed. I grabbed for it, wondering "who in the world is calling". Caller ID??? BALTIMORE, MD !!!! Yes indeed....my heart momentarily stopped, then started beating somewhere around Mach 3 speed. I literally could not breathe. It was a lady on the other end....looking for me. IT WAS A SALES CALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A SALES CALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was devastated. I actually hung up the phone and started to cry. In the seconds before I answered the phone, and the seconds before she identified herself, a million thoughts had a chance to race through my mind. "what happens now", "how will I get in touch with Javier, he is going to be in a meeting all day", "I'm supposed to be buying a vacuum cleaner today...now I'll be buying baby things", "I don't know if I'm ready", "I'm SO ready for this" and so the thoughts went. Yep, my second BIG meltdown of the process. The first was way back in the beginning and involve things I'd rather not discuss publicly, but I'll say that it was ugly as well. Anyway, so I didn't buy what the lady was selling, and I don't think she will be calling again.

I continue to dream about our baby, and the dreams are almost every night and lately, to no surprise, they have been about the call coming. I have dreamed of the call the past 4 nights and it is so vivid, it feels real. Maybe God is giving me a glimpse to keep me going, maybe He is telling me it is coming soon, who knows. But I continue to lean on Him and at times ask Him to carry me because I can't make it any further on my own. Prayers are constant and I just know (and keep telling myself) that His timing is perfect. And my baby will be perfect also. :)  Hugs to all...
 
I am absolutely amazed that it is already the last day of 2009. Tomorrow morning will be the first day of the year that we hope to be matched to our baby. 2010 will bring changes that neither of us can fully prepare for, but are more than ready to embrace. I have learned so much in 2009 about life, love, family, adoption, and change.


Life is what happens while you are making other plans. It is God's way of showing His sense of humor and His sense of understanding what you need and what you can handle (more than you can understand it yourself). Life is what keeps me sane while I wait for our referral. Life is what happens those other 29 days that we don't get an email update. Life is what we are still trying to live even though we are so, so ready for a new life, a life of parenting. 


Love is a strange thing...the way I can love a tiny person whom I have never met. Who may not even have been born as I write this. I love the idea of this tiny person changing the way I love forever. Love that does not need "biological" or "blood" ties. Love that does not need to share the same DNA and genes. An immediate and overwhelming love that can only be described as "motherly love". I did not "grow" this child in my body, but I don't think it is possible to love anyone or anything as much as I already love this child with every fiber of my being. I hope that I can love my child in a way that builds him or her up, creates an atmosphere of respect and communication, and instills a healthy sense of self. I hope that I do not cause my child self-doubt, and I hope that I do not ever break my child's spirit like some mothers do. I am blessed to have a mother that loved me in the same way I hope to love my child - not everyone is this blessed. I hope that because of her love and my father's love for me, I can in turn show my child this same type of love. This year I also learned that love is not always enough. Love cannot make up for the holes that will remain after being taken away from the only language, culture and home our child will have ever known. I know that I will have to provide other things in addition to love to fill these holes. I may never be enough to fill them, but I will try every day to teach my child about the Korean culture, about his or her foster family and birth family, to the extent that I have the information. I will bring my child to Korea if and when he wants to visit, but if he doesn't want me to go with him I will remember this post and I will stay behind. 


Family. As we build our family in 2010, we recognize the changes taking place in the family that we know now. For our relationship with each other, we find ourselves thinking less about us and more about becoming three. We are already starting to see a lifestyle change, especially with the holidays that just passed. We are holding more tightly to family traditions that we have created over the five years of our marriage. I have also realized in the past year that not everyone we come into contact with will recognize our family unit because there is often so little emphasis on adoptive families as families. I don't want us to be called "adoptive parents". We will be just parents. I don't want our child referred to as an "adopted child". He or she will just be our child. I really would prefer our family be referred to as simply a family, not an "adoptive family" or some term that would indicate we are a less-than-real family. Though my skin has gotten ALOT thicker this past year, it still hurts very much when I hear people use the terms "real child" or "real family", or inquire if we are going to try to have "our own" children. These people, whether friends, family or impersonal acquaintances have no idea how I have fought tooth, nail, and every piece of my heart for this child. If that is not real love, real motherhood, and real family then I can't possibly know what is. 


Adoption is the hardest, most joyous, terrifying and eye-opening process there is. I have laughed, cried and screamed during this journey, sometimes all at once. I hope that more people will choose adoption as Plan A, rather than seeing it as a last resort when pregnancy, fertility, in-vitro, etc. doesn't work out. Many people say adoption is not for everyone. I firmly believe that pregnancy is not for everyone. Fertility treatments are not for everyone. And correct, adoption is not for everyone. Adoption has tested our marriage, and we have passed that test and are stronger than ever. Adoption has tested our family, and our friendships, some of which have passed and are stronger, and some of which have not fared as well. We have made choices that we feel will help us survive this process and that will help our child thrive during the process as well. 


For all of you who read this blog, you know that change is coming for us. The biggest change of either of our lives will most likely happen in 2010. We are expecting a referral sometime in the new year, and if the timing is right the baby will also come home in 2010. Or at least early 2011. Stay tuned, as updates come around the beginning of each month, and I'll blog when I can. I am so ready to see my child's face and bring him or her home forever. Prayers, please, as we enter the New Year!! Thank you all for the support that has gotten us this far. And forgive my rambling, philosophical post-holidays do that to me lately. :)
 
What an amazing place...we are in awe and in extreme culture shock all at the same time. I didn't know it was possible to feel so at home and so out of place all in one breath!! Having tried to learn some Korean before we came, I find myself being able to read street signs, food labels, store windows, and instructions...at least to some degree. If I can sound it out and then look it up in my dictionary, I can usually figure it out, so my vocabulary has grown exponentially because of the immersion. Life is so different here from the United States. It is more than I can explain in one blog and more than I can understand with just one visit! We both hope this is the first of many visits, and we are happy and proud to be in the birth country of our child. A few things that are different here that may interest you, there are no napkins, no drinks with meals, and no salt! Women give up their subway seat for men, especially an older man. Children are everywhere at all hours of the night, and babies are strapped to the backs of mothers with a blanket system that I am sure I could never recreate. Everyone is nice and the streets are the cleanest I have ever seen anywhere. It is safe to go out alone in the middle of the night. Most younger Koreans know at least a little English, but most older Koreans know very little but appreciate our attempts at Korean. The floor is heated in homes, apartments, hotels, and traditional restaurants. Shoes come off at the door within the first few feet of entering, in the area we would call the foyer. Most hotels and homes have slippers for you to put on, since it is also unacceptable to have bare feet. I could go on and on but its just too much information to convey!

In other news-we have moved up on the waiting list!!!  There were two referrals in November, so we have moved up two spots to approximately number 9!! So exciting to be in the single digits (we think). Thank you for the prayers-lots of you have been praying hard for us, especially lately as the wait has seemed harder with no referrals coming for several months. We can never fully express our gratitude for your support. Thank you!!!!  Please keep following our trip...we come home December 10!!
 
The adoption process is not something that can really be compared to anything else. It is not an event, not a sprint to the finish line after a fast, hard run, it is not easy. It is a marathon that teaches you faith, patience, and the art of letting go. I have to have faith that I WILL be a mom and I will eventually be blessed enough to meet our baby. I have to have patience with the half-century old program in South Korea that has been consistent and predictable (as predictable as international adoption can be) and patience with the TWO governments that I am praying will work QUICKLY (insert laughs here). The biggest lesson of all? Letting go. Letting go of my need to control everything, my need to know everything, and my need to try and facilitate this process. In reality, all of the things that I had control over, are finished. Our part, for now, is finished. I have no control anymore, and that is a very unsettling feeling for people like me!! 


So our wait continues. Our wait for monthly email updates that never come fast enough. Our wait for any bit of information about anything related to adoption. Our wait for our referral, which I have come to realize will be a few more months before it comes. The latest update email said that they expect around 13-14 more referrals between here and July 1 of next year. They may come 3-4 at a time, or they may come 1or 2 at a time. There may be months where no referrals come. So, being number 11 on the list equals our referral most likely will come next year some time. Reminding myself that it is already October, and that we have two vacations AND our anniversary (5 years!!) AND two major holidays AND several family birthdays to celebrate between here and next year will certainly make the next few months fly by, and when all of those vacations, celebrations, birthdays, and holidays are finished, it will be February. And we will be that much closer to our baby. For some reason, the past week or two the wait and the impatience has intensified for me. It has become very difficult. I cannot WAIT for the rush of the holidays to tunnel my thoughts into other things for a while. I just have to remember my faith, my patience, and my newfound willingness to let go. Thank you all for your support of our family and our plan....we appreciate it more than we can ever express. :) 
 
I have had lots of questions lately about adoption referrals and how it works to "accept" a baby. I haven't blogged in a month or so, and I thought this might make a good, informative blog to help me pass the time! It starts out pretty basic, so forgive me if you already know this!!


A referral is essentially a family's match with a child. In our case, the match will be made in South Korea by Holt Korea, our international agency. A child comes available, and if we are next on the list and are approved for a child of that age and health status, we will receive a phone call saying we have a referral. Our social worker will tell us over the phone the gender and age, and will send us detailed birth information (if available) and medical information along with pictures by email (most likely). We will have a set number of days to review the file and information and decide whether or not we would like to accept this referral and become parents to that child. Yes, referrals are rejected, most times because of some concerns over medical information. We have repeatedly been told to be "objective" when reviewing a file, in order to make the best choice, but we will see how that goes! It must be hard to be objective when looking at a picture of a child that could become your child! Anyway, if we accept the referral, there is a new set of paperwork that we have to complete, which is the acceptance paperwork. We also have to file a new petition with USCIS (immigration) that gives them the child's specific information, so that we can be approved to adopt THAT child. Our first set of immigration paperwork simply approved us to adopt, period. It is contingent upon the approval of the child's information, when we receive it. (yes there are an inane number of hoops to jump through...I realize that more and more each day...but it will be more than worth it!!) Once the immigration paperwork is completed on this end, it goes through the National Visa Center and on to South Korea. Now the ball is completely in their court. They must schedule a visa interview and a physical exam for the child, and issue a visa for them to come to the United States. Once a visa is issued, we will receive a call letting us know when he/she is coming home! This whole process takes about 3-4 months from referral to homecoming. Gotta love working with the governments of two countries to try and hurry anything along. :)


So questions about the baby....this will not be a newborn baby. We were told when we started the process to expect a referral of a baby that was between 6 and 10 months old. Right now, the referrals coming from South Korea are typically between 5 and 10 months old, and are mostly boys. The referral will absolutely be at least 5 months old, because the South Korean government will not allow a referral of a baby younger than that. So, if you tack on the 3-4 months of paperwork that have to be done before he or she comes home, our baby will be at least 8 months old at homecoming, possibly up to a year old. We knew this going in, and are perfectly accepting and happy!! People always ask what we need, and because we don't know how old or what gender the child will be, we really can't answer that right now. We will not need a lot of things that people need for young infants, but we are definitely going to create a registry when we accept a referral so that people will know at that point. As far as clothing, we are trying not to buy anything, mostly since we don't know if it is a boy or girl for sure. If we see something we just can't live without, we only buy a 12-18 month or an 18 month size. The babies tend to be on the large side as far as size, so even if it is a little big, we can always buy smaller when they come home if need be!! 


Anyway, I thought this would be interesting to people, since a lot of people don't know the full story behind referrals and homecoming. Hope you enjoyed!! 
 
This is where the blog and the waiting combine and become dangerous! Unfortunately all of you who read this will now be subject to my thoughts when I decide to blog randomly. Sorry in advance!! I have thought A LOT this weekend...it really is funny how things change on the weekends. Monday through Friday, for the past 11 days or so, the house phone and the cell phone are within arm's reach AT ALL TIMES. Just in case. Friday night comes, and the phones mysteriously end up laying on the coffee table until Monday morning. There is no urgency to "have the phone" on the weekends, since the agency is closed and we know no one will call us from there. It is true what they say; you look forward to the weekend because  you can relax and know that you will not get a phone call, but you dread the weekend because you know that you will not get a phone call. I know I have a lot more waiting to do, but I definitely feel that saying coming true already. 


I have also been thinking a lot about our baby's birthmother. Even though through international adoption there is rarely, if ever, openness so that both parties know who the other is and exchange pictures and even visits, there is still a birthmother involved. If you let yourself, you can almost forget about the birthmother, because she does not pick the family that the baby is referred to, she does not know when or where the baby is adopted, she knows nothing starting at several hours after delivery. She recovers from the delivery and goes home. No one notifies her when the baby is brought to a loving family. No one updates her on how the baby is growing and changing. I really started to feel that, in international adoption, birthmothers are sort of forgotten. The joyful adoptive parents go to pick up a baby that was spontaneously generated and now is theirs? Not exactly, but lots of adoptive parents start out trying to think this way. It makes me very sad to realize this, because without this woman who carries and gives birth to our child, and carefully makes an adoption plan for our child, we would not become parents to that child. I may never know who she is, or what she looks like, what she likes and doesn't like, but I pray for her and for the child she is almost certainly carrying right now who is our child. I pray for a healthy pregnancy, a healthy delivery, and most of all a sense of peace about the adoption plan she has made so that the child can be part of a family. Our family. I have asked you all for your prayers for us, for our process, but I have to ask you for prayers for our birthmother. Please pray for her and all that she must be going through right now. 


Hopefully we will have another update email from our agency in a couple of weeks....maybe three weeks at the most. I can't wait to see how many referrals came this month!!!!  Love you all...thanks for your support and love!
 
We have officially been placed on the waiting list for our child!!!! We will never really know what number we fall at, but we will receive monthly updates on how many families are waiting and how many referrals have been sent over that month. This month, our first month on the list, there are only 13 families waiting!!!  We are one of 13!!! That is not many...AND get this.....FIVE referrals were sent over in July!!  That is a big number..the list went from 18 to 13 in one month! We are completely over the moon....I never expected to be on a list of 13. I only prayed to fall in the top 20 to 30 families..God HEARD and IS SO GOOD!!!!  Thank you!!!!  Thank all of you for your prayers!!!!! We will be receiving monthly updates from the agency, and of course you will all find out about those updates through the timeline and blog. Love you guys!!!!