Since last post, we have rocketed to number 6 overall on the waiting list, and if you consider that 2 of those families ahead of us are waiting expressly for a baby girl, that puts us at number 4 for a child of either gender. Number 4 sounds pretty good to me, considering we started at 13 and was told it would be around 18 months to referral. Now we are thinking referral in the next couple of months, maybe the next few months, if things go right. Yet, somehow, this has made it so much harder. Knowing we are *that* close...knowing that any day, any week now it will be OUR day, OUR week...makes my heart ache for the phone to ring. And if that isn't enough....wait until you hear what happened today!!

It was around 8:30 this morning, I had gotten Javier off to work, talked to my Mom to finalize our plans for the day, and was not expecting any more phone calls as my Mom was on her way to my house. Well for some reason "the call" that brings news of your referral usually comes first thing in the morning OR late in the evening. This is because of how the operating hours of the Korean agency coincide with the hours of the USA agencies. Our placing agency that will call us with "the call" is in Baltimore, Maryland. So, back to the story....around 8:30 the phone rang while I was getting dressed. I grabbed for it, wondering "who in the world is calling". Caller ID??? BALTIMORE, MD !!!! Yes heart momentarily stopped, then started beating somewhere around Mach 3 speed. I literally could not breathe. It was a lady on the other end....looking for me. IT WAS A SALES CALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A SALES CALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was devastated. I actually hung up the phone and started to cry. In the seconds before I answered the phone, and the seconds before she identified herself, a million thoughts had a chance to race through my mind. "what happens now", "how will I get in touch with Javier, he is going to be in a meeting all day", "I'm supposed to be buying a vacuum cleaner I'll be buying baby things", "I don't know if I'm ready", "I'm SO ready for this" and so the thoughts went. Yep, my second BIG meltdown of the process. The first was way back in the beginning and involve things I'd rather not discuss publicly, but I'll say that it was ugly as well. Anyway, so I didn't buy what the lady was selling, and I don't think she will be calling again.

I continue to dream about our baby, and the dreams are almost every night and lately, to no surprise, they have been about the call coming. I have dreamed of the call the past 4 nights and it is so vivid, it feels real. Maybe God is giving me a glimpse to keep me going, maybe He is telling me it is coming soon, who knows. But I continue to lean on Him and at times ask Him to carry me because I can't make it any further on my own. Prayers are constant and I just know (and keep telling myself) that His timing is perfect. And my baby will be perfect also. :)  Hugs to all...

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Leave a Reply.